Motorcycles, Why?

Gopal Kulkarni | 16 Feb 2021

I deeply concur with what Sid Caesar had to say about wheels. While he said it in the context of four, I am going to use it for two. So, to paraphrase,

“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the next one was a genius!”

Ever since I popped an unintentended wheelie, my father seated behind trying to instruct, during my first tryst with controlling a motorcycle, I have been in love with a motorized two wheeler. As I grew older and peeked into the world through that wonderful invention generally known as Internet, I have found that there are millions of men across the world who are passionately and hopelessly in love with this mesmerizing combination of mostly metal and rubber. Why? I try to reason.

It could be our way of imitating the great men from history. Many a famous men from history had a famous ride, invariably a Horse. Alexander had his beloved Bucephalus, Rana Pratap had his Chetak, just to name a couple. These men proudly and resolutely rode their horses to either conquer the world or to rebel against the powers that be. The relation that these men shared with their rides is a stuff of legends and folklore. Now, as a restless man, with a desire to conquer the modern (urban, corporate) world or with a chutzpah to rebel against the powers controlling the state machine of everyday existence, needs a ride that he can be proud of. He needs his own Bucephalus or Chetak. So the closest thing that suits this purpose is the humble motorcycle. A bicycle would make him spend all of his energy on keeping it on the move instead of spending it on the conquest or the rebellion and a Car would keep him ensconced in a bubble that is removed from the battlefield a.k.a. the roads, ergo, making him look sissy. Where’s the fun in either of them? So, the motorcycle has to be the choice of ride and companion. While on it he can rightfully swag like a modern day Alexander or Pratap. Don’t find logic in this argument? You haven’t been in Bengaluru traffic then!

There’s that Wind In Your Hair argument too which to me feels like the most romanticized but an anachronistic phrase about the motorcycle in the modern world. It’s an relic from the good old days of optional helmets and dirt free roads. In the times that we live in, one must wear a helmet to ride a bike either to comply with the laws of the land or to avoid all that dirt which comes with the wind. On the very rare occasions of one finding clean air and relaxed helmet rules, the chances are that one may have already lost his hair while earning the required moolah to buy that motorcycle! Leaving aside all that , I do believe Wind plays an important part in the riding experience. If not in your hair then you can enjoy it in your face, legally. It is the thing that makes riding special by making you become one with your surroundings. There’s no escape from the stench or the scents of daily life when you are on a motorcycle. On one of those lucky days you can even enjoy an leisurely ride through an pleasantly hesitant rain or on one of those unlucky days you can suffer through a savage hailstorm. Either ways you get an experience and a story to narrate. What else in life gives you that?

I could be totally wrong with both the arguments and, may be, it’s a matter of a very primal male ego. We all know how men are obsessed with the size of the things between their legs. So, perhaps, the motorcycle is an extension of that desire to have the biggest and fastest thing between their legs. This would explain a lot of things — the ever increasing Royal Enfield sales, the constant blabbering about the specs — size of the piston, volume of the cylinder, rpm speeds, et al. We have even coined a term like crotch rockets and come up with lines like ‘the difference between men and boys is the size of their toys’! You get the drift. While I may not be entirely comfortable with it, I can’t overlook the logic of this pseudo Freudian argument.

But then, I may have indulged in this rigmarole for nothing. Because, it’s only on two wheelers, that you can chase a rainbow and pose with it!

As a wise man once said,

Four wheels move the body; Two wheels move the soul

That sounds like reason enough. Period.